8/15 My first day on this blog that hopefully will allow me to grow and learn about life. I don't know so much about helping my son handle his Schizophrenia. I don't know how to separate my life from his. Sadness is deep and wide, and i think it can swallow me. It has been 5 years since I went to pick him up at college on the last week of his spring semester. I guess he had had a psychotic break? Maybe just a slow degeneration of thought that I look back and believe now started with paranoia about the people around him. May 1, 2007 This is the official day that life changed as we know it. It seemed like it happened with no warning. One minute we were "normal" family. You know what I mean. We had issues as all families do, but we were "good" with a great daughter in high school who just LOVED life and a brilliant son on scholarship at a fantastic college living the dream. Then BAM-CRASH/ cue the DARKNESS...(if this were a movie)..life changed. I want to be really dramatic and say it was like a tsunami, a hurricane, an apocalypse. It was all of those things and more in the ways our lives have changed. In the way I think of the world, the future. Think about it. 1 minute you have a brilliant son who is going to be a researcher on Evolutionary Psychology in an academic setting. One who has connections with an amazing prof/publisher at Harvard. Such a gifted incredible son. A child that had challenged us his whole life. The writing of this is heartbreaking. This beloved child is gone. I want to stop crying. I want my life back. I want to find joy again. I want to be able to be a good parent and example to my daughter. The only thing I can say today that is positive is that
CATS HELP!
Sending positive thoughts your way and really looking forward to reading more.
ReplyDeletethanks--you are so kind.
DeleteMy best friend had a VERY similar experience - except the younger, happy child was another son. FORTUNATELY for them, my friend's husband is a physician. He got the best care - inpatient for a while at the hospital, then at a mental health hospital for a few days... then very closely monitored as they worked out the cocktail of drugs.... I want to give you hope. I want you to NOT GIVE UP. He needs you even though he may not express it or reject it even. My friend's son is now living on his own across the country, and has managed to stay afloat - 9 years later is doing really well, surviving multiple job changes/losses. About 2 years in he adopted a shelter dog, and I think this, too was very helpful for him. I would say today that meeting him you would have absolutely no idea of his difficult journey. He has a girlfriend, job, dog, friends.... HANG IN THERE... sending prayers. Meanwhile, snuggle with that wonderful cat....
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful story! I am so glad for your best friend. I want to have hope. A doctor diagnosed him as paranoid schizophrenic. He is one of the 50% who cannot understand that he is ill(literally cannot think it through because of damage in the frontal lobe) which of course means he refuses to see a doctor as he is "fine". It is so hard to understand that he just cannot see how different his life has become. I really believe he never will. I read a book called "I am not sick, I don't need help" which deals with this and shares possible coping skills. We hope these might work in the future at some point. Still snuggling.. =^..^=
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